Lost
by Special Agent Tee-vah
Summary: "It's okay, Ziva. Just let it go. I'm right here. I've got you. You're safe. I'll protect you." His voice is hoarse; it's strangled. It's as if he was crying, too.


**WHOA hey guys! (: *waves* No, I am not dead. Sorry for not being on a lot. So I'm back on for the first time in about 7 months. Longer explanation after the story (: [And WHOOP I'M 15 hahahahaha]**

**So I wrote this after watching Shabbat Shalom for the first time, and I'll be honest, I cried. I actually cried. I don't cry at NCIS, so I was shocked. I mean, never had tears actually flow. Then the FOXAsia advertisement for NCIS came on, and it played this song, and yeah. I wrote this while listening to that song, so...**

**I suggest you listen to this song while reading (: It's called "Every Storm (Runs Out of Rain)" by Gary Allan :D Trust me, it's amazing, and something about it fits so well. Here's the YouTube link if you need it: watch?v=1q3LEadIk3w**

**So, go! Read onnnn!**

* * *

She needs to stop…this. She needs to stop now.

This is not her. This is not the Ziva David that everyone grew to know and love.

Who was this woman she was staring at? Who was this woman with a lost look in her bloodshot, puffy eyes, with tear tracks on her cheeks?

She doesn't recognize this woman, but she recognizes what she's lost.

She's lost so much; she's lost almost everything. A brother, a sister, a mother, and now a father. Her whole family. She's lost a boyfriend (okay, maybe more than one, and in more than one way), and more friends than she would like. She's lost her country, she's lost her family, she's lost _everything_.

She's staring at this woman, who stares right back at her, and they both cry. What did she do to deserve this? She cries for the woman, for all her loss, for all her heartache and pain. She's lost so much; no one deserves this.

She's not sure how long she's been sitting there. It feels like forever and she wants the pain of forever to end.

Her door clicks, the handle turns, and now he's here. She looks him in the eyes, and she's shocked. There's so much pain in his normally bright green eyes, usually filled with such happiness and laughter, it's as if he's her. No, it's as if he's trying to take the pain away from her, even if it means taking it on himself.

There's this choked sob, and she has no idea where it came from. The sound is broken, empty. It's when she's engulfed in warmth, that she realizes.

The noise came from her.

She sobs, she cries, she wails. She just wants the pain to go away, she just wants everything to go back to the way it was before. Before she lost everything. When she was still happy.

The whole time, he sits on the ground next to her, his arms wrapped around her, hands rubbing her arms, whispering words of comfort into her hair.

"It's okay, Ziva. Just let it go. I'm right here. I've got you. You're safe. I'll protect you." His voice is hoarse; it's strangled. It's as if he was crying, too.

She feels like a lost child. It feels like she's a child again. She's lost, confused, and she has no idea what to do.

"You're safe with me, okay? You're safe with us. You have us."

* * *

She isn't sure what hurts her the most, out of everything. Is it the fact that now, she's alone? Her family's gone. After all these years, she thought she'd be used to it, but she always had that one connection. That one thing keeping her tied to her past. Now, that one string she had been holding onto for all those years snapped, and she was free-falling.

Maybe it was redemption. He had wanted redemption, and she had wanted to forgive him _oh so badly_. Except, she was stubborn, set on remaining outwardly harsh. The irony was, the trait she got from him, was the one thing that left her feeling so guilty, so…destroyed.

"_Your sins are too great."_

The look on his face was like a slap to her face. He looked so crushed, so destroyed, so heartbroken. That spark of hope in his eyes dimmed and faded away. His one remaining child, his pride and joy, couldn't find it in her heart to forgive him. Not yet, at least.

He died thinking that she could never forgive him. He died, leaving her filled with regrets, wishing she could go back in time and change it all.

* * *

She finds herself curled up in her partner's lap, crying her eyes out. She's weak, she's vulnerable, and she's certainly not the Ziva David that she thinks everyone thinks she is.

She needs to stop this. She needs to stop crying. She needs to be strong.

That's what he would want her to do.

* * *

_It's gonna run out of pain_

_It's gonna run out of sting_

_It's gonna leave you alone_

_It's gonna set you free_

* * *

**What didja think? Review please! I'd love for some feedback (:**

**Okay, so clarification now. I'm so sorry that I haven't been on much. Last year was...a really tough year. It was bad in so many aspects, and some things nearly sent me into a downward spiral of slight depression. Everything that happened last year, had consequences, that took its toll on me, and kinda affected me this year. Actually, it affected me a lot. So this year's a double adjustment for me. I might not be on a lot, but I PROMISE that I'll try my best to upload more than, what, 3 times a year, okay? I'm so sorry guys!**

**Also. For all those who read the prologue of Isabella Lena David, I'm sorry but it's on an extremely long hiatus. I had two storylines for it that could've branched out well, but I wrote it when I was 13 and when I looked at it again, it seemed like there were so many loopholes. So I gotta fix them both up, or if worse comes to worst, then I'll have to re-write it. THEN, I need to pick one. Doing this is gonna have to be like a side project, since I have a few one-shot ideas in my head and I kinda need to get them written out before I forget them. And I include school and such...I don't have a whole lot of time :/**

**Anyways, see you when I see youuu!**

**xx Manda (:**

**Random Thought: Am I the only one who adores the Glee cover of 'Don't Dream, It's Over'? I love the original [Yeaaaars before me, haha] but it was pretty well done, the cover!**

**Random Thought 2: It's been EXACTLY a year since I uploaded 'Care To Explain?', whoa! I didn't even realize until now haha.**

**Not-so-random Thought: Okay, I'll shut up now. Bye guys! (:**


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